Self-esteem is a very complicated construct in philosophy and psychology, I am still confused about the different between it and self-assurance, I mean, if someone is confident, does it indicate that person may of being high self-esteem? But that’s not my topic today, I wanna talk about sincere and pure help to others could hurt their feeling unintentionally.
First of all, you need to give a define to self-esteem, which I learned from Harvard positive philosophy class, is that a person’s overview and valuation to his own ability and worth. Every people at least has two types of proper esteems, one is dependent self-esteem and the other is independent self-esteem. Everyone has the first type, which means we all kind of think about other people’s words and evaluations. Then while you keep practicing, you would get second one, or maybe some are just born with them.
Now come to the help part. Again, everyone needs help sometimes, even the smartest guys in the world. When you help other guys on a problem, you think it is easy for you, and just try to give a hand and don’t have a clue what is going on under the table, then you hurt others’ feeling, or may I say self-esteem. So what is this, why would it happen. From the helper’s view, he or she just try to make something of the problem and hope it would help the one seeks help. But from the side of being helped, they often don’t think that naturally. In terms of the ability part of define, they may think they are lack of some normal abilities and next doubt their own value. However, that is not end of story, they may continue to develop a hate to you the helpers spontaneously, they probably also are unable to control that hate feeling.
Not everyone appreciate helps even they really need help and during the process of being helped. The solution is you gonna help them anyway, and after problem being solved, leave them alone, let it go, do not care about the hate stuff might emerge. If you give the sincere advice and help to others, and they don’t give a shit because they think you hurt their esteem, then what can you say, just move on.
Inspired by calling uncle Bob.